The world that was never there.

Tonight is exceptionally quiet.
It feels like the world deserted me.
So be it.
It was never there before anyway.

Sunk and lost

I thought I’ve just dipped for a long while
by the time I realised
I’d already have sunken too deep, only to never able to come back again

Butterfly Effect

9yrs of staying in the metropolitan do change you the very least.

Viewing my friends’ online social-networking secondary photos behind anonymity, I know I’m still passive about reconnecting or that I’m still laying low, partly due to personal issues. I viewed those photos with the feeling that I was never belong yet I WAS there, sorta dejavu. I know the usage is inappropriate or rather skewed but you get my meaning. Not that I had a bad school times, it’s the contrary actually.

Perhaps, I’m too used of kl life in the past 9yrs tht kinda make me feel local and alien towards my past. It’s kind of like denying my past and only starting to accept myself at present times but then again, I do think I look way better today than I was many many years ago LOL. Vanity is loving yourself but I doubt the opposite ain’t always necessary because I’m not vain but I love myself.

Suddenly, I wish I could be the protagonist in the butterfly effect, change my past. I wonder how will I reconstruct my past. That’s surely a million dollar question baby. But then again, it’s a weird feeling.

Sometimes, I imagine that my future marriage will be dearth of many KK (secondary)/friends attendance due to the fact that I was not in KK for quite a while and laid low through out so my popularity is definitely rock bottom. but 9yrs did change me. I’d like to think I’m a lot simpler or at least have a more simplistic view of life. Minimal desire of materialism hopefully, just the best of health and happiness for all our families. So it kind a matches along anyway.

I prefer a smallish wedding as opposed to a grandeur ones. One that is attended by mostly good friends. Perhaps, even some who are willing to fly from KL and all. Then just get over with the marriage and quickly get on with our simple lives Lol.

Guy back to school

Having worked for a couple of years in the corporate world and find myself back to lectures for a degree isn’t at all very enticing at first. The lack of qualification in my line of work surely hurts my career though. To avoid aggravating my dad’s sickness, I succumbed to going back to school after several coercion from him so he’s actually the bona fide starring here, heh.

I’m not exactly the age that should be sitting in classroom anymore but look upon as a excited and aggressive young man with a thriving career, but really I’m the exact opposite.

So, it’s a bitter pill to swallow. Even up to present day, I still shun some social gathering. Even if I did, I rarely tread onto the subject. I’d let them talk among themselves and await for the dreadful question- What are you up to nowadays? I blame it on my ego.

But there are always two sides of the coin. And if you allow yourself, there are actually three, depending on your willingness and creativity. By being positive, you will make the best out of any situation given.

However, I’m now looking at the 2nd side of the coin now; enjoy this moment, keep low stress as part of a healthy regime, be envious to my working class friends and churn something out from my part-time undertaking which, if it’d work out, I’d have created a money making machine, as a matter of speech. But I need time.

Things are temporary shelved due to assignments and very tight exam dates, I even cringe at the thought of it as I clearly don’t have enough time to prepare for it!

Nothing else matters

I mean nothing
there’s nothing here
nothing else matters
I live only to die

- Anon

I forgot which book I quoted this from, but it mentioned it was taken off a prison wall somewhere. Talk about despair and event of a point of no return.

Envy

No matter how much a person is abundantly bestowed, I’m sure, at one point or another, he or she must have envied someone else before.

I would put envy and gratitude on the same level, but the reverse of one another. So when you envy someone someday, count your blessings.

If it was an envy of material things or status, even better is to challenge yourself to convert that envy to be your motivation, to strive for the similar height or stature.

“Feeling grateful to or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life.”

“There shall be eternal summer in the grateful heart.”

Wonderful Life

“The saddest thing in life is,
When you own a lot of things,
but you feel lonely,
your life is full of emptiness.

The happiest thing in life is,
You do not know all the bad things that happen around you,
In your mind, everything is so beautiful,
So nice to see, so nice to hold,
But actually everything is fallin’ apart”

- Dvst

Numb

its raining when i came out.
its really cold my hands are freezing.
one is holding the umbrella and another in my jacket pocket.
my hand feels numb.
i like the feeling and she’d ask “why do u like the feeling?”. because when it’s numb, u dont know ur alive. when u dont think ur alive. u dont really care abt thgs. thts why i like the feeling. and she said, “like u always said…die for a minute or 2….”.